Making Time for Family;
Making Dinner-Table Magic
By Kendra Ericson, MPW
Face it, magic is in these days. As Harry Potter fans storm theaters in search of the newest flick or the bookstore for the latest thrill, there is real magic occurring at dinner tables around the nation and, fortunately, no wand is required. The ingredients for this charm are simple – family members, dinner table, food, constructive conversation – but the benefits of their combination are long-lasting and profound. According to studies conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University in New York City, children and teens who ate dinner with their families five or more nights a week were half as likely to start smoking, drinking, or using drugs. These children were also twice as likely to earn “As” in school as those who dined with their families two nights a week or less (www.casacolumbia.org).
What makes dinnertime with family so valuable? The answer seems to be two parts common sense and one part mystery. Family dinners provide subtle opportunities for parents to teach and children to learn. Around the table, kids learn everything from manners and what fork to use to strong communication skills. Further, these dinners provide a forum where family members can share their daily experiences while receiving encouragement and support.
In addition to the psychological benefits gained from regular family dinners, research suggests that children eat more fruits, vegetables, and dairy products when together at mealtime, which leads to healthier bodies and more nutritious long-term choices.
The mystery? While the most seemingly meaningful conversations between parents and kids or teens often take place at the most random times and in the most random places (in the car, over ice cream, after winning or losing the big game, etc.), regular family dinners foster a connectedness that seems elusive on other occasions where family members convene. The reason for this may be linked to the regularity of the dinners. While life can seem frantic and unpredictable to many children and teens, frequent family dinners can create a sense of security and stability.
With so much research backing the benefits of family dinners, it seems like everyone would be doing it, but it appears that there are a host of reasons families can’t make it to the dinner table. Few would argue that we live in busy times, in an economy that often necessitates two incomes per family, in an age where responsibility for adults and children alike abounds, which leaves little time for anything “unnecessary.” That said, there are ways to simplify and, as one New York Times / CBS News Poll shows, the number of families eating together is on the rise. Families are finding ways to make it work.
While it might not be possible to get the family together for every meal, here are some tips on getting the most out of the time you have.
- Introducing…TiVo – We now have the technology to record our favorite programs and replay them later, without commercials, so opt for dinner sans the television for better communication time. Dinner spent in front of the tube doesn’t reap the same benefits as dinner spent without it.
- Give the cook a break – The benefits of family meals seem most closely related to the time spent together in context versus the food served, so when home cooking isn’t an option, take-out or delivery is a sensible solution. In addition, many companies offer healthy dinner delivery services that bring freshly prepared, balanced meals to your door. The Internet is the best resource to locate such services in your area.
- Enlist the kids – Children can be a big help in the kitchen, and they are more likely to eat a meal they have helped prepare. To get them started, check local bookstores for kid-friendly cookbooks or research recipes online together. In addition, to involve every family member, consider rotating the meal planning weekly to give each person responsibility as well as the chance to pick their favorite foods.
- Start early – It’s easier to establish a regular family dinner if you have young children, but don’t give up hope if your house is bursting with teens. You may encounter some resistance at first, but the security and consistency provided will soon have them keyed up to come to the table.
- Take time to talk – Try to make dinner a regular, scheduled event, set aside enough time to enjoy conversation, and always involve the kids in the dinner discourse to make them feel valued and introduce them to new language and ideas. If your children aren’t talkers, try to ask specific questions like “What was the best thing that happened to you today?” instead of broader questions like “How was your day?”
If dinner time is absolutely out if the question, as it is for many families, there may be other chances to reap the rewards of these dinners. According to “The Magic of the Family Meal” by Nancy Gibbs, “ Research on family meals does not explore whether it makes a difference if dinner is with two parents or one or even whether the meal needs to be dinner. For families whose schedules make evenings together a challenge, breakfast or lunch may have the same value” (TIME, June 04, 2006).
Spending dinner time together can seem impossible at times, but the rewards far outweigh the obstacles, so gather the family, turn off the TV, ignore the phone, and let the dinner work its magic.
When Home Cooking Isn’t an Option
It’s no secret that spending thirty minutes a night around the dinner table has many benefits, so many that families across the nation will celebrate the practice during National Eat Dinner Together Week from September16th to the 22nd (togetherfordinner.com). But while family dinners may be magic, the hard truth is that many of us simply don’t have the time (or the energy) to prepare a meal, enjoy time with our loved ones, and take care of the cleanup afterward. So what can you do if home cooking is out if the question?
- Find a happy medium. Businesses like Dream Dinners offer a creative solution to tight schedules. These businesses provide the tools for busy individuals to prepare a month of healthy dinners in about two hours. Simply schedule a “session” that best fits your schedule, and they’ll provide all the prepared ingredients and instructions on how to assemble your dinner selections when you show up. After two hours of assembling you go home with a month of ready-to-freeze dinners. Like Dream Dinners, Super Suppers offers similar services but also provides a pick-up option for an additional fee that allows you to order meals preassembled. For additional information, check out dreamdinners.com or supersuppers.com.
- Pay them and the food will come. Rather than ordering the less-than-healthy standard, pizza, try expanding your choices by ordering from a meal delivery service like Susan’s Healthy Gourmet to have home-cooked meals delivered to your door (susanshealthygourmet.com). For a more budget-friendly option, consider ordering from your favorite restaurants through a delivery service like gourmetshuttle.com to have take-out brought to you, even if the restaurant doesn’t normally deliver.
- Eat out. No one ever said the dining table had to be your own, so if you want to skip the preparation and cleanup, head out to one of your family’s favorite restaurants. To achieve the same benefits of family dinners at home, try to pick a place where family members are encouraged to interact (restaurants with playgrounds or arcade games may detract from the amount of time spent on conversation).